I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
