Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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