I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
