everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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