i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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