It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
