we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
