I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
