Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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