8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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