Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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