college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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