Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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