My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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