she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They are going to name an STD after you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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