just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
