i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
