party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
