You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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