I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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