Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
