On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
