Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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