i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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