We named our party play list daddy issues
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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