I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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