I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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