Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
