A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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