You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
