Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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