I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
