Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
