can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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