its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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