So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
