how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
