she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
