He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
