just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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