I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
