oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
