I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
