i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just forgot I was standing up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
