My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
