I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
