Yo dont text me then not text me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
