I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
