Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
