He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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