Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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